As promised, I spent some time reviewing last year [how-to here] for what was good and what was, well… not so good? Less than good? Down right sucky? I’m starting there because the list of my “not to dos” made themselves crystal clear pretty darn quickly. Which surprised me, because when I made my list there was a WHOLE lot more “good” than “less than good” on my list. (Also, surprising because it felt like a pretty damn hard year when I was living through it!) But the patterns fell into place so fast it made my head spin a bit. (Ok, some of that may have been residual holiday food coma.)
What I discovered was that the stuff that made me feel crappy in 2018 pretty much all fell into categories and patterns that I have easily put into this:
WHAT NOT TO DO IN 2019 LIST
- Try to prove to “others” (of any variety) that I am “worthy” of [fill in the blank.] (Some examples may include: Love, work, a job, friendship, adopting a pet, the time of day, a hug, payment/money, a cookie… whatever.
- I am worthy of everything (& so are you) simply because I exist. Anyone that doesn’t know that or tries to make me prove it doesn’t deserve me, my time, or my brain space.
- Working for people that don’t actually let me do the work I am capable of doing or use the expertise they hired me for.
- I know the work that I do is good, and can be great when I am allowed the space to get the information, do the critical thinking, and creative process that is needed to create real learning.
- Fighting to be seen.
- Related to the “proving” one, but still worth not doing anymore.
- Feeling like I am “too much” for some people… in work, relationships, etc.….
- These are NOT my people. I do not belong where I have to hold myself back for others comfort. I do not need to step myself down, they need to step themselves up or I need to be somewhere else with someone else.
- Being fearful or tense around economic insecurities. (i.e. job, money, repairs, etc.)
- Like so many years before, there has always been enough (even if JUST enough) to get by in just the nick of time. Not saying to be lazy or less than fully self-supporting… but being afraid and worrying is of absolutely no use in the process. And I have enough evidence that it will work out ok, somehow… in ways that I can’t yet imagine. I just need to show up, do the next right thing, and trust.
- Trying to be/say/act/pretend I was okay when I wasn’t.
- This is all about being willing and able to be vulnerable… Which was the theme for me and the biggest lesson last year. [Read this post if you want to know more.]
- Being unappreciated
- Again, related to the “proving” one, but seems to be more about knowing when to stop and walk away.
So, there you have it… these are the things I won’t be doing this year. What are yours? Do you have any ideas on how you are going to put them into action? Or inaction as the case may be? Or do you have ones that you know should be on your list, but you don’t feel like there is a way out? Change is what we’re after… so let’s get some solutions flowing.