Even though I am trying to create this catalyst, community, and support resource for change, and I have decades of experience creating and navigating change in my own life, I know for a fact that sometimes it all just gets to be much too much. In fact, I am there right now. So, what do I do now?
When the internal pain (read fear) gets to be so great that it begins to feel physical? I know that if I let it build too long it will actually become physical. In my case, migraines, vertigo attacks, neck and back muscle spasms… days will be lost. Days that will be spent hurting inside and out, trapped, in bed or on the couch unable to do anything but review every possible misstep or mistake I have made since the moment I was born. Productive and helpful, right?
Instead, I ask for help. Even if help is just a listening ear. (A little tea and sympathy, as it were…) This time around choosing that right ear has proven dicey at best. (Yes, some people will just do you more harm than good…. But that’s not about you, that’s about them.) Try again. Ask one of those people that have been around forever… maybe not as close and intimate as some, but they have been there to see you through almost everything… for decades. Talk to that person, listen to what they have going on too. Empathy and connection seem in short supply these days, being on both sides of that equation with someone will make you feel better (or at least valued) all the way around.
Instead, I ask for a hug. I am a very physical and tactile person. The way I feel most cared for, connected or loved is through physical contact. And although being passionately kissed and loved by my boyfriend is what I want and need most right now, that is currently not an option. So, I ask someone close, that I feel I can trust, to hug me. I could tell you about all of the neurochemicals that are released when we touch, but instead I will just tell you that it works. But make sure it’s someone that can hug from a place of intimacy, openness, and genuine caring. (See above as to the reasons why.)
Instead, for now, I take a nap. Yes, it is a little bit of escapism. But in our sleep deprived world I would venture to say it’s at least a healthier one. A short respite from the running brain, trying to figure out how the Rubik’s cube that is life needs to turn and spin to get the pieces to line up. That relaxed state may be just what you need to get a new perspective, or realize that the pieces will never line up, or that you just might need new pieces. Either way, you have new information or a new direction to go… and hopefully a little less angst in the process.
(FYI, after my nap I did!)